Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
