I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize