I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
