we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
