Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
