So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
