I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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