You're so nebulous sometimes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
