i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
