farters have to be the big spoon...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
