i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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