and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize