dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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