he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
