I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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