I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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