I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
