If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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