You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
