A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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