Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
