I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
