You can't motorboat a personality
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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