My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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