her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
