i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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