How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
