I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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