I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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