you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
