I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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