He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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