I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
