I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
