Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
