i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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