I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize