I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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