I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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