Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
