Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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