i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
