I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
