im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
