dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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