Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
