That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
