Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
