I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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