are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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