i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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