Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
