I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
