when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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