I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
