I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
