i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
