Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
