what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
