I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
