Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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