After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
