i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
