i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
