Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
