She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
