I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
