Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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