I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
