JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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