We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
