maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
