Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
