I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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