She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
