It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
