I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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