even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
