what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
