My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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