You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
