Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
