Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
