Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
