What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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