sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
