Pappa wants mamma naked
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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