Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
