When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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