I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize