I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
