so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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