Sry I called you an 8
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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