mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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