cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Randomize
