she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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